So I Can Feel the Rain
by kikira-san
Summary: This is a look at Hiei's past. it includes Yukina also its a sad piece for how i think Hiei's life is


**graywingedangel0 wants to directly connect**.   
**PenguinDictator1 is now directly connected**.   
**GrayWingedAngel0**: So that I can feel the rain.  
  
  
"Make it deep so no one ever can find him again," he said directing those who were digging the hole. My mind screamed. NO please anything but that I want to feel the rain. I want to feel the footsteps, I want to hear the voices, I want to be able to think of my sister. If you put me deep into the earth into the darkness I won't be able to do any of that. The blood came up into my mouth again and I coughed it out. The man holding the torch for the diggers glared at me.  
  
"You're dead boy accept it," he said then turned back to the workers. I wanted to cry out, to fight back, but the truth of the situation had fallen on me I was going to die. I was dying. I was giving up like I swore I wouldn't it was all just too late. The blood fell from me, dripped off of my wounds and piled up staining the ground next to my grave. I thought about running but I couldn't. My legs were lead. My muscles ash and my heart wasn't in it. I was going into the ground I was never coming back. I'd never see my little sister not once more. Not ever in person. Not since we were born. And I was declared a scar on the world. A bastard to my mother and a shame on my people. But she never judged me as such. But she should, I amended my thinking. Stop thinking about her stop thinking you are going to die why bother? The blood came to my mouth again but this time I just let it dribble down my chip and down my cheek. And any other way they could get to the ground. Just like the rain. Anyway to get to the ground.   
  
"Make it shallow," I hear my own voice I am surprised its still there. They all pause in their work and look over at me. They stare at me and then they start glaring hating me always hating me.   
  
"Make it deep so he can't ever come back," the torch carrier said smirking at me with an abnormal hate that would chill bones and curdle blood. It would have hurt me if I hadn't seen it all before. All of it. It didn't even hurt anymore. The diggers laughed insanely. And they kept it up as they dug and dug. It was gave them a rhythm to their digging. Laughing and laughing. At what was going to happen to me. So I won't be a burden on them. So that they wouldn't feel my presence. So that my eyes wouldn't haunt their sleep.   
  
The Sickle Moon over head and the fire of the torture lit their way as they the three of them committed this sin or this miracle. Who was I to judge what they did. I don't even think I have anymore blood left in me. No breath left in my lungs, no beat in my heart and they came over to me. The demonic glare in their eyes told me everything. I could see into their souls without help. Their dark and twisted souls clawed with horrors and chilled by hate. If they were ever happy I don't know. All I saw in them was the hate and the fear. The hate and fear that had sent my life to hell. Going to hell couldn't be any worse. Not any worse than life itself. I was beginning to wonder if was already in hell. I stopped watching them walk the length of the graveyard. Why should I? They'd get here soon enough. Instead I looked at the moon. Some people called it the Death moon. The night when sins were committed because it was followed by a new moon when all sins were forgiven. I feel I have been captured by very superstitious captors.   
  
Two of them lifted me up and I looked at them with dead eyes. "We are going to kill you Forbidden one and hope your soul goes to hell and never hurts another. Born of unholiness as you are you deserve your fate worthless bastard," one whispered as they carried me over to the hole and flung me in.   
  
My already damaged body fell onto the cold hard dirt. I didn't move I didn't try to get out I didn't struggle. The torch carrier looked at my eyes and flinched visibly.  
  
"Got the dead one's eyes already that bastard," he commented and then the others returned with their shovels. And started to shovel in the dirt. They sang and they sang. Death chants every single on they could think of. They never took their eyes off of mine. My own eyes started to widen while the dirt piled on me. It was involuntary I suppose my eyes widening with shock. Not fear I don't think I ever felt fear. I just was ready to die. I wasn't fighting anymore. One of the dirt shovelers saw the other two starring at me as he was. Disgusted he tossed the dirt in my eyes. And started to pile it up over them. I blinked some of it away but after time I just closed my eyes and let it pile up.   
  
"Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posy, ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we all fall down," they chanted that last one in the ningien tongue. And then they repeated the one line over and over. "Ashes to ashes dust to dust" they chanted.  
  
I couldn't see anymore dirt piled into my eyes and over my body. It was now impossible to move my injuries and the dirt stopped me. The hole was so deep. It must have been six feet. I wanted to feel the rain.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I couldn't feel the moonlight on me anymore. The Sickle moon. The Death moon. The Sinner's moon.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I couldn't hear my breathing or my heartbeat. I think my vision is blurring but I couldn't tell as the dirt was impossible to see through and burned my eyes if I opened them. I think I am dying though now I think I am almost dead.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I think of my sister. For one last time, I suppose. Maybe she won't look for me if I die. I am... I was afraid she would. Maybe she'll live happily then.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
Maybe the afterlife would be peaceful maybe I could find a place away from everyone else. I think even in the afterlife they will probably hate me and fear me.   
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I think I hear them patting down the earth but I am not sure maybe I just hope they are finishing so they will stop chanting. The chanting is so disruptive.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I will miss the rain. I loved the rain though I am a fire demon. I am half ice. I am Forbidden and scorned. Maybe I like the rain because no one will go out in it. Maybe I like the rain because it is hated too. Maybe I like the rain because it mists the world and takes me away from their eyes. The eyes that show me everyone's soul and show me how much they hate me.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I feel quiet now. None of the anger I used to feel followed me to this place. To my grave. None of the pain. None of the hate. Its quiet here except for their chanting. I wish they would stop chanting. I want to die.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
They are placing wards on my grave so I can't get out. I am not leaving. I am never leaving. This hole. This grave. My life is ending. Buried alive wasn't how I thought I'd go but I find I don't care anymore.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
Sister, light of my heart, purest little one be strong without me. Don't let them turn you into what they are. Don't let the Koorime do that to you. Be strong little sister as you have always been. Take care for your brother won't ever be able to save you again. Won't ever be able save you again. I think for the first time in my life I know what it feels like to have tears build up in your eyes.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
The chanting is lessening now. They are leaving. I would sigh if I could. But my air is leaving quickly. They packed the dirt tight. I think I only have five or so minutes. I wish it would already be over.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
The chant is still haunting my thoughts. I can't rid myself of it. Dammit. It wasn't exactly the last thing I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear her voice last. But they are empty wishes now. I am dying, dying, dying.   
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
I feel as if I see the moon. The Sickle Moon, the Death Moon, the Sinner's Moon. It's calling me back. It won't give me my peace. Its light is pulling on me. Pulling me back. The Sinner's Moon is pulling back, its greatest sin and its best sinner. I feel it call me.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I feel clammy hands pull me down and silky cold light pull me up. I feel my tears build, the tears of pain. Tears that have never been in me. And yet have always been building up.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
My mind is split, my heart is torn, my soul is lost, and my body is already buried. So why? Why does the moon pull me back? Why do I let it bring me out? Why are my hands frantically clawing at the dirt above me trying to escape from this sealed prison.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
Come to me Forbidden one come back to me. The Moon calls. She won't let me sleep. Spill their blood Child, walk on child, fall not to them, she calls again. Her hands pull me up. My own hands clawing the dirt. My lungs burning my eyes burning. I claw and claw. Reaching for the surface. LET ME DIE! I scream though I am not sure whether I said it aloud.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
Brother?! Come back to me! Listen to the Moon and come back to me, brother! Her voice came in clear into my heart into my soul. It cut me like a knife and my hands stopped at their task.   
"Yukina," I breathed the effort cost me a valuable breath. Her voice came through the link we shared. The one I tried again and again to break. To set her free of me. She called me back to life. And I must obey her.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
Good child follow your sister. Stand up and live my child. My Forbidden one. You must live, you have a life to live Child. The Moon called me. Brother? I need you! My sister called me. Choking up blood I clawed again.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I was making progress I was almost to the surface three more feet and I would be out. I estimated. All I ever wanted was a shallow grave I thought with the smallest hint of a smirk. Now here I am, refusing it, to go back to the Sinner's Moon and my sister. If it didn't hurt so much I might have laughed.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
My hands met with the wards and I howled with a voice that was scratchy and painful to use. My eyes blurred again and I could feel death reaffirm its hold on me. The moon pulled too, though, not letting go.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
My hands clawed on. I could hear my own skin sizzle away. I felt the my own blood fall heated on my face scorching my face as the wards scorched my hands.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
The wards were flung off. I pushed my hand through the dirt and felt the fresh air. I pushed wriggled to the surface. You have done it my brother!! My sister said her voice becoming fainter in my head. Well done Forbidden One, do not die for them. The Moon said to me.   
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I fell on the dirt panting. The wards of the grave were underneath me. They burned me where I lay on them but I had not the strength to move. The hands of death were still on me and so were those of the moon. But blackness claimed me as its own.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
I must not have slept long when I awoke it was still night. My eyes went up to the moon. The Sinner's Moon. The Moon of Secrets. My Child born you were as a scar to the Earth born under my light. Do not let them stop you. You are not what they make you. You are what you are. Kill them child it is your calling to fight for your sister and for your life. Call me not the Sinner's Moon. I am the Moon of Secrets, yes, but I will not be an excuse for sinners. Don't let yourself become the Sinner's Moon, My child. Forbidden One don't not be their excuse to sin. She said shining her light on me.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
They, the three grave diggers, came back in the morning to spread salt on my grave another tradition of theirs. When they arrived I was waiting there for them.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
The Sinner's Moon, the Death Moon, The Sickle, The Moon of Secrets it is to many. To me it shall always be the Moon of Scars. Scarred by those who sinned in her light. But she saved me. My Moon of Life.   
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
My sister's voice stays in my head, in my heart, as do those words of the Moon. I will not be their excuse to kill. Their excuse for bad luck, or misfortune. That I am not. Not unless I kill them myself.  
  
"Ashes to ashes dust to dust,"  
  
The chant stays with me too. Haunting my existence. With the truth that I turn things to ashes and to dust. And we shall all be ashes and we shall all be dust. But when I go. When I go I will ask again the grave diggers to make it shallow. So I can feel the rain and feel the moonlight.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
Make it shallow. Make it ready. My death is never that far off. My life too worthless to keep. My life too far gone. But I will not die for them. I will live for her. Only her and to feel the moonlight.  
  
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust,"  
  
The chant will haunt me to my death and beyond.  
  
  
  
  
A/n: inspired by Gravedigger by Dave Matthews  
  
disclaimer: I own neither characters nor song  
  
by: Kikira-san 


End file.
